Well hello 2018, it’s been well over a year since I sat down and wrote, if I’m honest it’s been that long since I fancied even looking at a blog, let alone write a post for mine. The end of 2016 and all of 2017 was a massive emotional journey for me and the reason I haven’t been on here for such a long time.
Let’s go back to 2016 when I had an epiphany, well kind of, I’d spent six years with someone who made little to no effort with my family and friends. Thus making it impossible for me to make new ones without me feeling like I was neglecting my child or that I didn’t care about our family. I felt deflated and unworthy, I felt isolated and completely alone, I wasn’t me nor was I happy. I feel rather embarrassed for allowing someone to dictate my life so drastically that I forgot who I was. I sort of got on with things throughout 2016 and tried to make life work and give it another chance before I make a decision that would change the lives of everyone involved. It took me an entire year to figure out what the hell I was going to do and to actually pluck up the courage to do it. November that year was the point the blur lifted, my emotional attachment to the life I was living had vanished. I saw him for who he truly was and I was 100% sure at that moment I didn’t love him. I began escaping on days he could look after bean, she enjoyed her days with him, I however did not. I had to escape for a few hours on these days and rediscover me.
January of 2017 I ended my six years with Bean’s dad, he didn’t seem all that bothered which actually made it so much easier. However it was a turbulent five months after as we continued to live together until he eventually went back home to Hungary. My life began in May of 2017, I was free of the one thing holding me back but it doesn’t mean I haven’t struggled with things. I frequently had that ‘well you made your bed, now lie in it’ mentality when things have well and truly kicked my ass. But Bean is perfect and happy, she is having a life that is filled with happiness instead of darkness.
So here we are almost at the end of day one of 2018 and I’m sat on my sofa, with my feet resting upon the lap of a man who encourages me to be myself, who makes me feel so utterly loved and content that I don’t question my happiness at all. But we can talk about Mr R another time.
Happy New Year